Into the Nightmare
by missshirley419
Summary: Part 1 of Lavellan rescuing Hawke from the Fade and discovering what has happened to the Warden. Solavellan.
1. Chapter 1 (04-29 22:52:16)

[Timeline: After defeating Corypheus, before the events of Trespasser]

 _Soon_.

The journey up the snowy mountain range had been arduous. He tried to follow the foot paths left in front of him but his companion was trained to step lightly, springing seemingly effortlessly up the cliff without impacting the snow more than an inch. Each of his footfalls sank deeply into the snow, causing him to fight for every step, battling the biting numbness of his toes. Not ignoring it but relishing it, for he knew every stinging jab that shot through his legs like a searing flame (how can cold burn so?) brought him one step closer to her.

Now, his arms burning, he yanked himself up the last few feet of stone wall, ignoring the outstretched hand offered to him. His companion merely smirked and continued leading the way. He had been dreaming of this moment for over a year, planning, hoping, yearning, and at last she was within in his reach.

The ledge they walked along was crumbling rubble. After all the success of the Inquisition, they couldn't afford to fix the walls? They entered through one of the gaps in the stones and landed silently in hall with a great wooden door at one end. He started towards it but his guide grabbed his hand, nodding towards the other direction. He snatched his hand away, his anger glowing white hot for a moment. They continued in careful silence.

As soon as they entered the room they could see the faint green glow dancing across the marble walls. His breath caught in his throat as he saw the outline of her sleeping form, silhouetted by the effervescence that shimmered from her left hand. He had waited for this moment for so long, he would not wait any longer.

In four great strides he had crossed the room and was staring down at her. She whimpered lightly in her sleep, the skin between her eyebrows crinkling. She was lovely. Clenching his teeth, he pulled back his fist, a white, ethereal light now mixing with the green haze as he prepared to shove his hand through her heart.

He heard the low growl seconds before he was on the ground, pinned by something immense and fur-covered, that smelled of wet woods and earth, it's sharp teeth fastened around his neck slowly pressing against his windpipe without breaking the skin.

"What in the-" he heard Zevran exclaim in shock just before the weight of the beast holding him shifted as it easily threw Zevran's from its back. He tried to wrest the animal off of him…

"Nobody move," a calm, soft voice said from the corner of the room. All turned to look at the Inquistor, clad in nothing, standing atop the bed, arrow trained on the scene before her. For what felt like an eternity, no one spoke.

"Well, heh heh," Zevran laughed nervously, "that's quite the welcome."

But the Inquistor didn't seem to hear him. She was staring at the enormous black wolf that still held him immobile. Her face had gone from calm and collected to a mix of emotions he could barely follow. Confusion, recognition, hope… anger? The wolf stared back at her.

She breathed in sharply, "Solas?"

As suddenly as it appeared, the wolf fled to the balcony and was gone.

She ran after it, searching in the darkness, but he had faded away. He watched her face as her eyes filled with unshed tears, she clenched her fists and bit her lip then suddenly whirled around to face them.

"What are you doing here?" she demanded, lifting the bow once again.

Zevran immediately stepped forward, hands raised in surrender.

"Now, now, let's not do anything rash here," he said quickly, flashing his charming smile at her. "I'm certain we are able to talk about this."

She stared through Zevran for a moment before turning her eyes to him where he still lay on the floor.

"Were you planning on talking?" she asked harshly.

Surprise wearing off, he jumped to his feet. "No, I didn't plan on talking! I planned on ripping your heart out of your chest."

He stalked forward until her arrow tip was right against his throat. He glared, part of him daring – wishing? – she would loose the arrow.

"Just as you did to me."

Her brow wrinkled and then understanding dawned on her face.

"Fenris."

Aurora watched as Zevran circled the kitchen, munching on an apple before tossing it down unfinished and picking up a cheese wedge.

"So you see, he needed someone to help him sneak in," he prattled, mouth full. "And who better than the famous ex-Crow assassin, Zevran!"

She nearly smiled in spite of herself. Zevran had spent the last half hour divulging every bit of their plan while Fenris sat across from her in stony silence, half a bottle of wine in front of him gone.

"I want to save Hawke," she said. Fenris suddenly focused his blurry gaze on her. "I always planned on trying, but everything else happened and… We need a plan."

"What would you suggest?" Fenris asked, voice dripping with disdain.

"I would have asked…" she hesitated and shook her head to chase the thought away. "We need someone who is an expert on the fade. Vivienne won't touch it… we could ask Dorian if he has any ideas-"

"The mage from Tevinter?" Fenris practically spat out, "I'd sooner jump into a rift."

"Dorian is nothing like what you think," she replied, back straightening.

"Is he a Tevinter mage?"

"Yes."

"Then he is exactly what I think."

Zevran looked back and forth between them for a moment, an amused smile on his lips. He popped a grape into his mouth and cleared his throat.

"You know," he began, "there is another mage we could ask for help… in fact, I have had the pleasure of working with her in the not-so-distant past." 

"Well, well. What have we here?"

Morrigan rolled her eyes but stepped back from the door of the hut to allow them entrance. "I suppose it is too much to ask that one be left in peace after one saves the world multiple times?"

"Ah, Morrigan," Zevran gushed. "The years have only made you lovelier, and likely deadlier, but truly, what is your secret? Did you learn your mother's spell for immortality?"

Morrigan let a hissing sigh out through her teeth. "And 'tis obvious Zevran, that you've not changed one bit."

"And are we not all joyous that it is so?" he laughed.

Fenris entered the shack but stayed next to the doorway, eyes darting around the room.

Morrigan eyed him, "this one does not like me, I think."

"Good guess," he growled back.

Aurora stepped between them.

"Fenris has a… history with mages, he's not a fan of magic," Aurora explained.

"Intriguing," Morrigan replied, "seeing as how it is woven into the fabric of his flesh."

"Lyrium is not magic, witch!" he stepped forward, the lyrium beginning to shimmer faintly through the lines framing his face.

Morrigan laughed at his rage, "and yet, clearly, magic is exactly what you need or I would not be suffering through this visit."

She turned her gaze onto Aurora. "What is it? I thought I made it quite clear that my association with the Inquisition was at an end." She paused then added in a voice that was automatically softer, "I need to tend to my son."

"Your son!" Zevran exclaimed, "yes, yes, where is he? I would like to meet this boy, this offspring of the Archdemon, a witch of the wilds, and the King of Ferelden."

Morrigan fixed him with a deadly glare. "He is spending time in Orlais studying, I was to join him tomorrow."

"Oh, how disappointing," Zevran replied, shaking his head. "Although I'm sure the queen will be glad to know her husband's bastard is out of the country."

Morrigan smiled slowly at him. "Yes, be sure to tell her at your next clandestine meeting, would you?"

Zevran ducked his head, grinning, "touché, my dear, touché."

Aurora ignored the exchange and pressed on.

"We need your help," she explained. "Hawke may still be alive in the Fade, we want to rescue her." She glanced sideways at Fenris before adding, "or at least know what her fate was."

"You know her fate," Morrigan replied, exasperated, "why go in search of knowledge that will only rub salt in the wound?"

Aurora hesitated. She glanced at Fenris again, who glared at her, obviously convinced this was a waste of his time.

"I—I need to know," Aurora began, "If I can get to the fade maybe I can find out where he—she is."

Morrigan's knowing eyes watched her for a long moment. Finally, she sighed.

"'Tis nothing but a cruelty," Morrigan said, "But I will give you all the help at my disposal."

The shimmering mirrors were an endless maze of wonder. Although she had seen it before, the sight took Aurora's breath away. Morrigan stood beside her, silent, drinking it in as well, this safe haven that had protected her and Keiran in his first years.

"—feels quite odd," Zevran was saying as he emerged through the rippling glass. His arm was the last thing to appear and it gripped Fenris's elbow as he yanked him through the Eluvian after him.

Fenris looked shocked and then immediately patted himself down, making sure he wasn't missing anything.

Zevran laughed heartily, "a land of mirrors, oh I could think of many pleasant uses for this!"

"Not now," Morrigan said. She turned to Aurora.

"You have been in the fade both in dreams and in the flesh," she began, "the anchor assists in this journey but you lack the discipline to travel to a specific place. That is where I can assist; with the fade so much closer here, I can manipulate it in a way I cannot in Thedas. We cannot send you physically, so you will not be able to rescue her, but you may be able to ascertain her fate, and we can formulate a plan from there."

Aurora nodded. She looked at Fenris. His eyes seemed to recognize the resolve in her own and his brows relaxed slightly. He nodded, a quick, almost imperceptible acknowledgement of their pact. She would find Hawke.

Aurora wasn't aware of opening her eyes but suddenly everything around her was shifting, slightly out-of-focus, and her gut recognized the vertigo feeling of entering the fade. She tried to look around, get her bearings, but the floating mountains and rocky crags seemed no more familiar than they were the first time. She could see the Black City, they were near it when they lost Hawke, but it was an impossible landmark to navigate by for it was visible from every corner of the fade yet as you approached it you never seemed to get any closer.

She felt a tingling sensation on the nap of her neck and she knew he was there even before she turned around. She did so slowly, fearing any sudden movement would cause him to vanish once again.

She was staring at the ground, seeing his unclad feet first, then powerful calves and tawny thighs. She scanned up past the wolf jaw necklace she knew so well – perhaps that's why she dreamt of him as a wolf?—and pointed, cleft chin until she met his soft gray eyes, shadows of the unknown moving behind them.

"Inquisitor," he said, nodding slightly.

Something in her heart shredded at his use of her title, but she pulled herself up to stand straighter.

"I-" she hated that her voice cracked, "I am trying to find Hawke."

He nodded again, a slight knowing smile curving his lips. "I know, I am here to help you."

Aurora felt a surge of joy she tried to beat down. "Why?" she asked, attempting to keep her trembling voice as neutral as possible.

"Because I will always help you, Inquisitor," he replied softly. She opened her mouth to speak but he held up a palm. "On one condition." She tilted her head slightly in confusion. "You may not ask me any questions about myself or my whereabouts."

"What?!" Aurora exploded, the floodgate of emotions she had been trying to hold back shattering into a thousand pieces. "You- you left me! You didn't say anything, you just left! I loved-" she managed to snap her mouth shut before all the things she had been screaming at him in her mind for the past year came out in a torrent of abuse.

Solas waited as she took a deep breath to calm herself.

"You have every right to be angry," he said. "In fact, hate me, you'll be better off for it."

Aurora just silently stared at him, awash in feelings she couldn't name.

"But if you want my help, vhenan," he continued softly, "You must promise me this. I cannot give you the answers you seek, not yet."

Aurora swallowed hard. Her heart had jumped into her throat at the word "vhenan" and she was struggling to keep the white hot tears at bay. Her mind slowly registered his offer, and while there was still an ocean of anger under the surface, her heart soared at the sliver of hope he'd offered. _Not yet._

"I can take you to where we left Hawke," he said. He seemed hesitant for a moment then extended his hand. "Ready?"

She stared at it for a long moment before placing her palm in his. He looked at their joined hands for a moment with a small smile but pain deep behind his eyes. He looked up into hers and the world fell away around them. For a moment it was as if they were suspended in eternity, with no other beings in existence. Then the feeling slipped, the ground shifted, and light became visible once more. Her heart was pounding and her stomach churned.

Solas dropped her hand and gestured behind her. She turned around. The enormous eyes flashed red back at her as the gigantic spider-like monster shuffled back and forth. It roared its frustration that they were out of its reach, hairy mandables yawning open to reveal rows and rows of sharp yellow teeth, even in the fade she could smell it's putrid breath, the smell of a thousand dead and decaying souls.

There was no sign of Hawke.

Aurora's shoulders slumped. What was she going to say to Fenris?

She trembled slightly at Solas's hand on her shoulder.

"She isn't dead," he said, matter of factly.

"What?" Aurora searched the scene around her again frantically, "where is she?"

He said nothing but looked again at the spider pacing back and forth in the cavern of the mountain they stood upon.

"W-what?" Aurora fumbled over the words as she slowly understood what he was telling her. "Hawke is… inside… that thing?"

Solas nodded, "yes, trapped inside the nightmare, living, but- living through the worst fears and terrors every mind in Thedas every conjured in slumber."

"Can I help her?" Aurora asked.

"That, I do not know," he replied, his voice softened, "but if anyone can, it is you."

Aurora's throat closed again, the emotion those whispered three words elicited almost too much to bear. Solas met her gaze and it felt as though an ocean of words passed between them in the silence. His hand was suddenly at her cheek, he looked as surprised by the contact as she was. She could feel him start to draw his hand away and she caught it in both of her own and pressed her face into his palm, not caring what emotions she allowed to spill out, suddenly fearful that this was goodbye again, for good.

"Solas," she whispered, eyes closed.

His mouth crushed hers and as she tried to draw breath, his arms locked around her waist pulling her against him. She opened her mouth under his and he deepened the kiss, tounge darting and flicking across her own as he devoured her. She couldn't breathe, she didn't want to. She only wanted more. She wrapped herself around him, trying to get closer, as his hands reached down to hitch her legs up onto his hips. She half laughed, half sobbed against his mouth and the sound seemed to bring him back to himself. He softened the kiss gradually as he set her back on her feet and slowly pulled back.

"Forgive me," he whispered, and was gone.


	2. Chapter 2

Aurora said straight up in the Crossroads, her scream echoing all around them.

"Calm yourself," Morrigan said, helping her up, "You're back."

Aurora looked at the faces staring at her, trying to reconnect with reality.

"Are you all right, Inquisitor?" Morrigan asked, looking as though she could guess what had transpired.

"Well, she did seem to be enjoying the last bit of the dream quite a lot, no?" Zevran chuckled. One glare from Morrigan silenced him.

Fenris finally met her eyes, his were shielded and his body rigid, prepared for the worst.

"What did you find?" he asked.

"She's alive," Aurora breathed. His head snapped up and a light shone in his eyes for the first time since she'd met him. She looked back to Morrigan. "We have to get to the Fade, physically this time."

Morrigan cocked her head to one side as she considered. After a long time a small smirk tweaked her lips.

"I have an idea who could help us," she said, her lips twitched upward, "but Fenris is not going to be happy."

"I don't know if any of you have noticed this, but that appears to be his default mood," Zevran quipped.

Fenris made a sound low in his throat which made Zevran laugh out loud heartily.

"So tell us, lovely witch, who will we be meeting now? It's not your mother again is it?"

Morrigan shot daggers at him with her eyes.

"We have to go to Kirkwall."

"Oh! I wasn't expecting visitors, um, please come in, come in, sorry it's a bit messy, isn't it? Let me just move these-" Merrill's flustered speech fell to a halt when Fenris entered her small apartment in the alienage.

"Fenris," she said, straightening her back. Fenris merely stared back and her resolve wavered a little.

"W-well, what can I do for you all?" Merrill asked, as she began shifting things back and forth around the room. "I'd offer you some food but I don't really have anything you'd like, there is some tea…"

"We're sorry to burst in on you like this," Aurora said when Merrill finally took a breath. "We're trying to help Hawke, and we need your expertise."

"Hawke? What's happened to Hawke?" true concern changed her entire expression and she glanced anxiously at Fenris with evident sympathy.

"It's a long story," Aurora began.

"The inquisitor here fell into the Fade and took Hawke with her," Zevran interrupted. "Hawke's still there. Apparently in the gullet of an enormous spider nightmare spirit." He lifted an eyebrow in question at Aurora. "Is that about all?"

Aurora nodded and smirked in return, Zevran was pretty amusing to have around.

"Oh." Merrill drank that in. "Oh my."

She suddenly focused on Aurora, "So you're the inquisitor? I've heard so much about you. You know stories and such."

Aurora smiled and shrugged, she never knew quite how to react to the fame she'd acquired leading the Inquisition.

"Let's get to the point," Morrigan interrupted, "some of us have other places we'd like to be."

"Ah but Morrigan, who could wish to be anywhere but your radiant presence?"

Morrigan didn't even glance in Zevran's direction. "My mother spoke to me of you, you are the Dalish elf with the eluvian are you not? Who freed her essence on the mountain?"

Merrill looked confused then her eyes widened into saucers. "Your mother was Asha'bellanar?"

Morrigan eyes narrowed to slits, "Is."

"Oh y-yes, I didn't mean to imply," Merrill suddenly couldn't make eye contact with Morrigan. "I knew of her, certainly, but I only met her after the ritual."

"She was in regular contact with Marethari," Morrigan explained, waving a hand, "I know you eventually succeeded in restoring the mirror."

"I- it's not here, I don't think-"

"Calm down, we do not want the eluvian," Morrigan shushed her. "But your work studying it combined with the Inquisitor's mark may help us to find a way into the Fade."

"Physically?!" Merrill squeaked. "That's impossible, you'd never survive."

"I've done it before," Aurora said quietly, "twice."

"What if I do something wrong and you get trapped there too? It's too risky, I-I can't…"

"Merrill," Fenris deep voice from behind them caused all eyes to turn to him but he only met Merrill's gaze.

"It's Hawke."

Merrill gulped hard and her eyes shone for a moment with unshed tears. She finally nodded.

"All right."

"You cannot be considering this!" Fenris growled, the lyrium veins igniting slightly.

"You do want to Hawke back, do you not?" Morrigan replied, arms crossed in irritation.

"You're talking about blood magic!" Fenris shouted. "Not just magic, blood magic!"

Merrill tried to put her hand on his shoulder but he jumped away from her. "Fenris, I know how you feel, but to save Hawke…"

"You know nothing of how I feel."

The room fell into silence.

"Pardon me," Zevran's lilting voice broke the tension, "but Morrigan, we have seen blood magic of this kind before, it only sent your spirit to the Fade, not your body… and it required the death of the boy's mother."

"True," Morrigan said, inclining her head, "but the inquisitor's mark opens a window for the body to pass through, if we perform the ritual and the inquisitor uses the mark, theoretically, it should work.

Zevran nodded as though he understood completely, then cheerfully added, "so who is going to die?"

"No one!" Merrill interrupted quickly, "I can do it without killing anyone, I think, no, no, I'm sure but..."

"Please continue my dear, the suspense is terrible."

"We have to use… special blood," Merrill said quietly, wringing her hands.

"Oh this should be good."

Aurora shot Zevran a look and turned back to Merrill, "what do you mean special blood, like dragon blood or something?"

"Uh no, that wouldn't work at all," Merrill bit her lips, "we need blood that's mixed with…lyrium."

Fenris's head shot up and he was instantly glowing, in a defense stance. "I'd like to see you try."

Merrill held up her hands and backed up a step, shaking her head. "No, no, it's not like that it's just, the lyrium will boost the spell and when it is combined with blood magic—I've given it a lot of thought before-"

"You what?!" Fenris took one step that had him staring down at Merrill, inches away. "You've thought about butchering me for a spell, have you? I knew Hawke was blinded by your sweetness, she never could see it for the act it was. All blood mages are monsters. Anders was and so are you."

The room held a collective breath as Fenris's hand clenched and the glow around him grew hotter. Aurora's hand went to the dagger at her side and she saw Morrigan positioning her staff.

"This a bad time?" a familiar voice said from the doorway.

Aurora had a grin on her face before she even turned around. She ran to the door and threw her arms around the dwarf.

"Varric!"

"You didn't think you could come to Kirkwall and I wouldn't find out, did you?" Varric teased. "Come on, Inquisitor, I should have been your first stop." He hugged her back. The tension in the room had eased and Fenris was leaning back against the wall. Varric nodded to him then shot Merrill a wink.

"Varric!" Zevran called from his seat, "I remember you from when Hawke fought the Crows, you promised me a drink! Have a seat here, my friend, the show was just getting good."

Varric looked back and forth between Merrill and Fenris once more, "Just behave kids, I am the viscount now, I'll have Aveline throw both your asses in jail until you calm down."

"You're the viscount?!" Aurora couldn't keep the shock from her voice.

"I know, right?" laughed Varric, "seems if you complain about how a job is being done long enough they'll give it to you."

Varric settled onto the bench next to Zevran, "so what's the story?"

"Ah, well, as I understand it, the lovely witch and the charming elf want to bleed the glowing one to get us all into the Fade-"

"That's not happening!" Fenris growled.

"Fenris disapproves," Zevran finished.

"Actually…" all eyes turned to Merrill, "we will only be able to send one person along with the Inquisitor."

"Agreed," Morrigan said, "anymore would be too dangerous."

"I took three people with me into the Fade at Adament," Aurora pointed out.

"You were surrounded by the blood of dying soldiers and Wardens," Morrigan said blankly, "Do you not think that did not embellish the magic?"

Aurora closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Her thoughts went to Solas. She wanted so badly just to talk to him, ask his advice. But he was gone. By his own choice. Hawke had sacrificed herself for all of them, she deserved this risk.

"Fenris," Aurora said, "I won't do anything you don't agree to, but you should be the one to come with me if we go."

Fenris's eyes burned into hers, "you would use blood magic?"

The words came to her lips, unbidden, "magic is magic, it matters only in how it is used."

Fenris seemed to bite back a response. He closed his eyes, his clenched jaw twitching a muscle in his otherwise motionless face. He finally let out a long breath and seemed to mouth the word Hawke. He opened his eyes and met hers.

"I'll do it."

Merrill's light step created no echo on the stone floor of the cave. She glanced behind her, the hills surrounding Sundermount twinkled with the camp fires of what was left of her former clan. Her heart ached for what had become of her Keeper, her people, but they were wrong. She had been right all along. The demon who possessed Marethari was not who she had spoken to in the glass, he was an ancient, and he wanted to restore things. Merrill was so thankful he had found her a year ago, once she dreamed of restoring just one tiny string to the past, and now she had the opportunity to be part of bringing glory back to the people.

She quickly made her way to the center of the cave.

"What do you have to report?" the soft voice came from the shadows.

"It worked, the spell, it worked, they, we opened a rift, and they walked through it and it closed up behind them. It was amazing, really."

Solas smiled and held up a hand to stem her rambling.

"How long ago was this?"

"Half a day's gone by," Merrill replied.

Solas's smile dropped a little, then he shook away the thoughts. "Anything else?"

Merrill nodded, "Varric came by when everyone was at my apartment-"

"Varric?" Solas chuckled. "Can nothing in Thedas happen without that dwarf bearing witness to it?"

Merrill giggled, "I think not. Any way, a message came for him from King Alistair, the Warden has been traveling looking for a cure for the blight for the past two years. He hasn't had any word for six months now. He was asking if Varric had heard anything here in Kirkwall but once Zevran heard the news he was running for the door. Morrigan talked him into waiting until they've gathered supplies but they're going after the Warden."

Solas nodded slowly, drinking all the information in. He smiled at Merrill. "Thank you, you have always helped me. If you hadn't restored Flemeth I would still be sleeping in this cave."

A rush of pink filled Merrill's face and she glanced away. "Um, right, you're welcome. Any-anything else you want me to do?"

"If you see… her…" Solas said softly.

Merrill hated the pain she could see in his eyes, she nodded quickly, "I'll tell you right away."


	3. Chapter 3

"The Deep Roads make me miss Oghren," Zevran said, as they made their way into the dark tunnels of dwarven ruins, lit occasionally by streams of lyrium glowing through the walls.

Morrigan made a noncommittal sound in reply.

"Do you think we'll have to fight many darkspawn?"

Morrigan sighed, obviously annoyed Zevran was feeling talkative. "Tis rather inevitable in the deep roads."

"I hope so," Zevran said, his usual light tone replaced with an assassin's warning, "I feel in particular need of killing something right now."

They continued on in silence for awhile, the surface sounds disappearing until there was nothing but the strange thrumming hum of silence.

"Do you hear that?" he asked.

"I hear nothing."

"Precisely," Zevran said, "what is this thing the dwarves talk about hearing in the rocks? The only thing I hear is your necklace jangling around."

"And the only thing I hear is live bait for the darkspawn," Morrigan returned sweetly.

Zevran took the hint and fell silent. Morrigan started to feel a little remorse – what had happened to her – when she thought how he must be feeling.

"We were lucky she stopped in Orzammar and said she was going to the deep roads, it's a start at least," she began.

Zevran glanced up but continued walking.

"I am surprised you did not know she had been missing for six months," she said.

Zevran stared straight ahead of him. "Why should I know the Queen of Fereldan's whereabouts?"

"I thought you and she-"

"I know what you thought," he said shortly.

"But…" Morrigan could not help but ask, "are you not?"

"We were. And then we weren't. And then we were. Now we are not." Zevran stopped and stared at her, "Okay?"

Morrigan nodded slowly, "Apologies, I did not realize."

"Forget it," Zevran turned away. After a few steps he stopped dead, however, Morrigan froze as well.

Zevran put a finger to his lips and looked back at her drawing his daggers as he did so, Morrigan readied her staff. She heard it now, a shuffling down the corridor, too uncoordinated to be human. She didn't smell the darkspawn but she prepared a fireball to hurl when it rounded the corner.

"Guys!"

Morrigan stopped the fireball just in time as she recognized the wobbling lump of a being coming toward them, sword drawn in one hand, bottle in the other. He held his arms open wide and gave Zevran an unsteady hug.

"My god, Oghren, is it you?" Zevran laughed.

"You spoke of the devil and the devil appeared," Morrigan said dryly, crossing her arms.

Oghren released Zevran and took a step toward her, chin up, lips pursed.

"Hey there, witchy lady, give us a kiss," he just shrugged when she backed away in disgust. "Suit yourself, don't know whatcher missin'"

Oghren burped and propped himself against the wall of the Deep Roads. "Man, am I glad to see you guys, I came down here with the Warden you know-"

"You're with her?" Zevran exclaimed.

"Well, I was was. Kinda lost her though," Oghren explained. Zevran's face fell. "See, here's what happened, we was looking for the Architect-"

"Who?" Morrigan asked.

"This weird ass darkspawn that can talk and shit," Oghren said. "Now shut yer yaps and let a guy finish his story."

He waited a moment to emphasize his point. Zevran clamped his mouth shut and Morrigan snorted but stayed quiet.

"So this Architect guy, yeah me and the Warden fought him after the Blight ended, crazy dude who wanted to make all darkspawn like him using Warden blood or some such drizzle to block the call of the archdemon. Warden, though, she got it in her head, maybe Architect would know how to block the calling, so we came back here-"

Zevran had lost patience, "where is she?" he blurted through clenched teeth.

"I was just to that part, relax, have a swig of this," he handed the bottle to Zevran.

Zevran stared at it, his nose crinkling, "ugh, it smells exactly the way I remember it." But he shrugged and took a hard swig.

"I think I'm going to regret that," he said, trying to swallow.

"Indeed," Morrigan said. She turned back to Oghren. "Out with it. Where is the Warden now?"

"Darkspawn captured her," Oghren said. "They left me for dead but I was just passed out. I followed the trail when I woke up and found her in a broodmother nest. I think they plan on doing to her what they did, you know, to Branka's…" he trailed off, clearly not wanting to drudge up the brutal ending to his wife's expedition in the Deep Roads.

"Let's go, why are we wasting time?" Zevran asked, beginning to sprint. He tripped over a rock after a few strides.

"Heh heh heh," Oghren lifted the bottle to him in toast, "good stuff."

No matter how many times she ended up here, it was never going to stop being weird. Aurora waited for her head to stop spinning and her eyes to adjust to the twisting, ever-changing nature of the Fade. Everything seemed to slightly blur around the edges because all was in perpetual motion, reacting to the experiences around it.

She got her bearings much quicker than Fenris. He had to sit down and put his head between his knees to keep from being sick. She touched his back to comfort him but he pushed her hand away.

"I'll be fine, just give me a minute."

She stepped back to give him some room to breathe and looked around. This wasn't the place where she had seen Solas in the fade dream. The quixotic hope that he'd be waiting for her here shattered in her heart so hard her stomach hurt.

"How do we find Hawke?" Fenris was standing now, blinking hard. "Sorry, last time I was in the Fade, well, it wasn't like this."

"It's different when you're here for real," Aurora said. "I'm not sure, let's look around."

They began picking their way across the rocky landscape.

"What happened before?" Aurora asked. "When you were in the Fade?"

Fenris sighed deeply, "I betrayed the woman I loved."

"What? Why?"

Fenris shook his head. "I was afraid."

"You chose magic," an angry voice said.

They both looked up to see Hawke standing before them.

Fenris tried to jump forward to embrace her but she drew her staff.

"You chose magic, power to defeat the magisters, you were willing to become the thing you hate to get what you wanted."

Fenris stepped forward with a hand extended, "I didn't—I, Hawke…"

"You know why you were willing to do that? To leave me there to die?"

Fenris was white as a sheet and could only shake his head.

"Because you already are the thing you hate most, the only power you have ever had, the only reason you're important, is because of those marks, magic marks. And you chose those too."

Fenris stared at her and slowly his face hardened.

"You're not Hawke," he said.

Hawke grinned widely and her lovely face twisted and morphed into the face of a man with long, drawn back, blonde hair and tawny brown eyes.

"Did you miss me?" He smirked into Fenris's face.

"Dammit Anders!" Fenris swung his fist at him and hit mist.

The spirit laughed and reappeared behind them.

"Anders?" Aurora asked. "But Anders is-"

"Dead," Fenris finished.

The spirit nodded sadly, "That is true. When he was executed I returned to the Fade. I have been waiting for the chance to avenge him."

"I think you and he did quite enough starting a war!" Fenris replied.

The spirit seemed to think for a long time, then said, "Yes, you are right. I understand now why he fought the decision to act for so long, there were consequences he saw that I did not. He would not have listened to me if he had not lost Hawke to you."

Fenris clenched both fists, "Don't you blame that crazy mage's actions on me."

"I am not, I learned through the experience of living with Anders, I felt his emotions as my own for a time. I could not avenge him from here but I found a way to serve his memory just the same."

Aurora was starting to feel a glimmer of hope, "how?"

"By protecting her," the spirit answered simply.

Fenris's sharp intake of breath was the only indication he had heard him.

"Where is she?" he finally asked.

"Follow me."

"Okay—hiccup—here's the plan," Oghren said in what he thought was a whisper. Zevran had just returned from scouting out the darkspawn's camp.

"I say, we go in, balls of fire blaring, axes swinging" he looked at Zevran, "you poking people with your poison knife thingies…"

"They're Antivan Bleeders," Zevran said, crossing his arms.

"Yeah, yeah, they're cute," Oghren continued, "What I'm saying is they're stupid, right? We go in there like there's a 100 of us, grab the Warden, and run before they realize what's what."

"That is the dumbest idea I have ever heard in my life and I travelled with Alistair longer than any of you," Morrigan said.

"No wait," Zevran held up a hand. "It might not be. Morrigan, can you still turn into a giant spider?"

"Yes," Morrigan replied reluctantly.

Zevran grinned, "then I have a plan."

Elissa Cousland woke groggily as a tremor went through the darkspawn. She felt, rather than saw, that something was wrong. The darkspawn were shifting shadows in her blurred vision, a growling, disorganized heap. They had been feeding her filth, starting the process to turn her into a broodmother. After she had killed the others, the darkspawn's numbers had drastically reduced, but they were making a push to find breeders again. She wondered if that meant another blight was beginning to gain momentum.

The growling among the darkspawn rose to a war pitch. She could hear the fighting but couldn't make out any distinguishable shapes – wait, was that an enormous spider they were fighting in the corner – why did the spider seem familiar – if she could just stay awake –

Strong arms suddenly came around her, she jerked against them but a wonderfully familiar voice spoke into her ear.

"Stay still, my darling Elissa, we are getting you out of here."

"Zevran," his name came out as a happy sigh on her lips before she drifted back into the blackness.

After walking in what seemed like endless circles, the spirit brought them to the edge of a cave.

"The nightmare resides in there, Hawke is within," Justice said.

"How are you protecting her?" Fenris growled. "She is inside a giant spider!"

"The spider is not a spirit, it is a creation of the fade, a reflection of what the Nightmare demon gathered as it fed on human fear before you defeated it. I have been able to keep this part of the fade, this reflection, dormant. She was devoured but not killed." The spirit paused.

"I'm waiting for the catch," Aurora said.

"I have to wake the nightmare for you to rescue Hawke, you must slay it where she failed or you will all perish inside it," Justice said.

"So that's all the help you're going to be?" Fenris snorted.

"I have done more than I had to," he replied. "If all die within the nightmare perhaps justice will finally be served."

With that, he vanished. A low growl came from the dark opening in the mountain before them. The nightmare was stirring.

Aurora took a deep breath and exchanged nods with Fenris as they drew their weapons.

Wordlessly, they charged into the cave together.


	4. Chapter 4

"Warden? Can you hear me?" Elissa focused on Morrigan's voice and attempted to reach toward it. It felt like she was swimming through mud. With an immense effort, her eyes finally opened to see Morrigan bent over her.

"There she is," Morrigan smiled.

Elissa heard a shuffle and then Zevran was leaning over her.

He took her hand in his and kissed her palm for a long moment. Morrigan quietly moved away discreetly. Oghren was snoring in a corner, axe clutched to his chest like stuffed toy.

Elissa looked up into the clear, blue eyes she thought she had seen for the last time.

"Zev," she breathed. She took a breath to start her apology but his mouth closed over hers, urgently, sweetly. She reached up to hold his face and felt the moisture of a single tear on his cheek.

"I thought I'd lost you," he whispered, and buried his face in her neck.

"I thought so too" she managed, and Zevran gave a low chuckle.

He breathed heavily then disentangled himself from her and sat back on knees.

Elissa pushed herself up suddenly, but the world spun in violent protest. Zevran reached out to steady her. He stood and put both arms around her to help her to her feet.

"Oh…hello," a voice no one expected at the moment sounded behind them.

Elissa turned around slowly, Zevran suddenly remembered he was still holding her arms and dropped his hands to his sides.

Cerberus loped happily to her and licked her hands, entire body shaking with greeting. She stroked his ears for a minute then looked up slowly to meet his eyes.

"Alistair. How," Elissa shook her head to try to clear the haze. "How are you here? How are any of you here?"

"What ya talking about, I came with ya," a barely coherent Oghren chose to wake up and shout.

Morrigan stepped forward. "I sent a message from Orzammar. We spoke to some merchants who said they had sold you goods to go into the Deep Roads."

"And I came running," Alistair finished dryly.

Elissa walked tenderly towards him and held out a hand, "I'm glad," she whispered. He groaned and hugged her to him hard.

"I was so sure you were dead, I-"

"I'm here, I'm still here," she buried her face in his shoulder.

He suddenly shook her off.

"That's not all," he said, King Alistair mode kicking in. "We received word from Weisshaupt-"

"The Architect!" Elissa shouted, the memories of her time with the darkspawn suddenly linking together. "He's heading for Weisshaupt! He's still trying to free the darkspawn from control, he thinks he needs more blood. He's going to slaughter them all."

Alistair looked at her in shock but nodded slowly, "they said a massive darkspawn force was surrounding the castle."

The Fade bubble around her was protection from the poison the spider routinely spewed but her arrows were having no effect on its immense form.

Fenris weaved and flipped, the huge greatsword he swung glowed with lyrium veins like his own skin. He hacked at the spiders legs and lunged at its eyes but still the creature seemed infallible.

They had been fighting for hours. How much time could Hawke possibly have? She looked around quickly judging the distance as she threw down her bow and drew her daggers.

"Fenris!"

He turned to her as she ran towards the wall. In two long leaps she ran up the side and flipped down on top of the spider jamming her daggers into the two biggest eyes with all of her might. The creatures screamed in pain and threw itself back, front legs reaching to fling her from its face.

"Now, Fenris!"

One of the legs made its mark and swept her to the floor. She caught her breath in time to see Fenris plunge both gleaming fists into the beast's chest. He turned his hands and the lyrium grew hotter still as he ripped through it's flesh. The beast screeched and fell forward and for a horrible moment Aurora believed it was over. Then the spider shuddered and twitched and she jumped back to her feet, weapons poised.

Suddenly the spider slumped to one side and Fenris crawled out from underneath, carrying Hawke in his arms.

"Is she alive?"

Hawke coughed. "Never better. Just kinda pickled."

Aurora looked to Fenris, he just shrugged back worriedly.

"Hawke," Fenris said, he held her gently by the shoulders. He waited until her eyes met his and his face completely changed when she looked at him. "Marian?"

"Fenris," she collapsed into his arms and they hugged each other fiercely.

She pulled back to look at him, "I should have known you'd follow me into hell."

"Following you during the mage rebellion was harder," he smiled.

"I had to protect my sister," Hawke shrugged, as if the matter required no more thought. "What Anders did was wrong, yes, but the Templars were to blame as well…"

Fenris held up his hands in surrender. "Okay, okay, back from the dead for two minutes and we're already having this argument again?" he joked.

Marian laughed and pulled him close to kiss him again.

"Let's get you home," Fenris whispered.

Alistair and Elissa sat in silence next to the fire. The others had made another fire a discreet distance away, sensing that they needed time alone. Or as Oghren put it when he elbowed Alistair before walking away, "trouble in paradise," his advice was "a good one, you know what a mean, get real down and dirty." Luckily, Morrigan had ushered him away before Alistair popped him on the mouth.

"Did you contact him?"

He hadn't known the words were going to come out until they were in the air.

"What?"

"Did you send for him when you were in Orzammar? Hell, did you send for him the second you left the castle?" his voice was getting that screechy tone he hated but couldn't stop.

Elissa sighed a deep, long breath and looked at him.

"No, Alistair, I didn't send for him. He heard I was lost at the same time Morrigan did, in Kirkwall, through a letter you sent to Varric if you'll recall."

"So all this, this grand reunion is just a coincidence?" Alistair asked snarkily.

"Apparently, this is only the half of it, Morrigan said they split from Inquisitor Lavellan and Fenris after Merrill helped them go to the Fade to find Hawke."

Alistair just stared at her. "That's not possible."

Elissa shrugged and smiled at him, nudging his shoulder with hers.

"You're messing with me, I knew it," he scoffed.

She laughed and kissed his cheek, "I'm really not."

Alistair sighed happily for a moment then fell silent.

"I saw the two of you, you know," he said softly, "when you woke up and you-"

The smile fell from Elissa's face. She stared down at her hands, not knowing what to say, how to explain. She couldn't explain, there's no logical explanation for loving two people, it just happens.

"I'm sorry," she whispered. She couldn't meet his eyes.

She could feel the anger in him building.

"Yeah, so am I," he said as he stood. She didn't even look up as he walked away.

"Well, what have we here?" Morrigan said, spooking Alistair into jumping a full foot sideways.

"Don't do that!" he moaned. "This place gives me the heeby jeebies as it is."

Morrigan chuckled. "Sorry, I had forgotten how sensitive your nerves were."

Alistair cocked his head, "And that's… actually a really nice way of putting that… wow, motherhood softened you up huh?"

His tone had started off joking but at the mention of Kieran a heavy silence fell between them. Memories of a distant night past when they had lain together, bodies still linked, sheathed in sweat, breathing trying to find rhythm again.

Alistair finally cleared his throat.

"Where is he?"

"Safe," Morrigan replied. Then added, "In Orlais, at school."

"Oh he's to be Orlesian, is he?" Alistair said snarkily.

"He's to be whatever he wants to be," Morrigan replied.

Alistair smiled at that, her devotion to being nothing like her mother had obviously not diminished.

"Is he—how is—it? You know the whole having the soul of an archdemon thing?"

Morrigan's face, usually so sheltered, melted in a mixture of pain and confusion.

"I don't know. Mother, she was going to take him, and the only way I could stop her was if I let her take it instead. Nothing good will come of her having it within her greedy clutches but," she looked up at Alistair her eyes sheening with tears, "I couldn't let her have him."

"Of course you couldn't," Alistair touched her shoulder. "You did the right thing. You protected him." He laughed a little. "I never would have thought it. You acted like getting that soul was the most important thing in the world."

Morrigan glared at him. "Thing's change."

Alistair gave her a lopsided grin, "obviously, ten years ago sleeping with me to get what you wanted was the worst thing that could possibly have happened."

Morrigan laughed. "Twasn't as terrible as I thought it might be."

Alistair's eyebrows shot up. "Oh really?"

Morrigan smiled slyly at him, "You enjoyed yourself, that much was quite obvious."

"Yes-ehm- yes, well, it is a rather enjoyable act and you're… remarkably good at it," Alistair managed to reply.

Morrigan took a step towards him.

"Do you ever think about it?" she asked softly.

Alistair froze. She stepped closer.

"Do you?" she whispered. "Do you think about how I rode you until we both screamed in ecstasy together?"

Alistair swallowed hard. "Well, if I didn't before, I certainly am now."

Morrigan leaned in close to his lips.

"Good." She turned on her heel and whooshed around the corner before he could respond.

It took a couple minutes to gather his thoughts to the point that he started walking back toward the fire, as he neared it, he heard their voices echo down the corridor.

"He's mad I am here, is he not?" Zevran was saying.

"Yes, but-" Elissa replied.

"So I shall go, it is very simple, I will go this very moment."

"No, Zev, wait… I don't want you to go."

Alistair spun on his heel, he'd heard enough. When he was far enough away that his footfalls would not be heard he started running, he veered right then left, his feet taking him where he wanted to go without giving it any conscious thought. He caught sight of her and reached for her as she turned towards him.

"Wh-"

"Just shut up."

He shoved his tongue into her open mouth and wrenched her body against him. She shivered and met his hungry mouth with hers.

"Good, you defeated the nightmare," Justice's voice blended with Anders greeted them as they exited the cave.

Marian stopped dead, turning white as a sheet.

"Anders."

He smiled at her, Anders's smile. Then he was Justice again. "I am the spirit you released from Anders."

Marian nodded slowly. "Released. You mean when I killed him."

Justice met her gaze squarely. "Yes."

They stared at each other in silence for a long time.

"I didn't want to," she finally said, her voice trembling slightly.

Justice inclined his head. "He knew."

Fenris stepped forward between them. "If you're helping, tell us how to get out of here."

Justice looked at him as though it was obvious, "go back the way you came but Hawke cannot go with you."

Fenris's hand immediately went to the hilt of his sword.

Aurora jumped forward, "whoa, wait, what do you mean she can't leave?"

Justice turned to her. "She has been here too long in the flesh, the fade has merged with her. Leaving would kill her."

Everyone fell silent. Justice looked at each of them then bowed. "I will leave you to say your goodbyes," he said and was gone.

"Fenris," Marian began.

"No."

"Fenris, don't be-"

"If you even suggest it I will wring your neck," he growled and yanked her to him, kissed her mouth hard then softly covered both her eyelids with a single, gentle kiss.

"Nothing could be worse than the thought of living without you," he whispered, echoing words he had said before and never stopped meaning.

Aurora's eyes filled with tears as they hugged each other and Marian finally nodded, sobbing and laughing into his shoulder.

"I knew you were as crazy as me," she said.

Fenris looked up at Aurora.

"Thank you," he said simply.

"I wish I could do something-"

Fenris shook his head. "No. Thank you."

Marian nodded to her. "Be careful, it's a bitch getting around in this place."

Aurora laughed. "You too."

She turned and began the trek back to the rift they had created when Merrill's spell sent them to the Fade.


	5. Chapter 5

Aurora climbed the stairs toward her chambers slowly. She couldn't feel like this was a victory. They had found Hawke and saved her from the nightmare, yes, but now both she and Fenris were trapped in the Fade. Her scouts told her there was no word from Morrigan after they had left Orzammar, headed for the Deep Roads. King Alistair had gone after them, leaving the Ferelden throne to be governed by Arl Teagen in his absence. There were whispers of something wrong at Warden stronghold. And a note had arrived by raven from Divine Victoria. Leliana warned her that the Exalted Council would be formally called the next week, she could put it off no longer.

As she reached the door to her room she leaned her head heavily against it. Her mind flashed back to Fenris's words, "nothing could be worse than the thought of living without you." It reminded her of when Solas tried to leave her on the balcony but instead turned back "because losing you would…"

The tears rolled hard and hot down her face. She choked back and sob and swung her door open. If she was going to have a good cry, she was at least going to do it in bed. Swiping the back of her hand across her wet cheeks, she crossed the room to her bed. She sat and removed her boots quickly, crinkling her toes to stretch them.

"You do that in your sleep, you know," Solas said from the window.

Aurora's heart jumped into her throat. "Do what?" she asked, without looking up.

"Scrunch up your feet," he said softly, "you do it in your sleep. I noticed it when I was studying you after you first fell out of the Fade. You certainly recover quicker now I see."

His eyes scanned her in a quick gesture meant to assess her injuries but she was in no mood for his sympathy.

"Study me," she repeated, "yes, that's right, that's all I was, something to study."

Solas cocked his head to the side at the anger lacing her voice. "Yes," he replied. "At first, you were. You were no different to me than any of the other countless beings in this world that I observe from afar. And then you were."

Aurora swallowed hard. She looked at him, trying to read him, trying to understand.

"Why are you here?"

Solas's forehead crinkled as he looked at her, "I had to make sure you weren't hurt," he said, as though she should have known.

Aurora crossed the room and threw her arms around his neck. His hesitation was so brief it was forgotten by both of them instantly in the flood of sensations swallowing them. He lifted her off her feet and backed her slowly towards the bed, his mouth never leaving her lips, her ear, her throat. They tumbled to the bed and he began unhooking the length of her vest, murmuring soft, lyrical elven words she could barely hear and didn't understand.

Suddenly, he stopped. Every part of her body screamed no! She bit her lip and opened her eyes to look at him.

He was staring down at her, his eyes dark with lust and that hint of sadness that always seemed to be there when he looked at her. He brought up one hand and slowly traced her face with one fingertip, as though etching it into his memory.

"Vhenan, I-" his eyebrows furrowed, "I cannot stay longer than tonight."

"Please don't ask me why," he answered as he saw her mouth form the word.

Aurora could see the pain in his eyes deepen. He needed her to ease whatever caused that pain. It was enough.

"Tonight," Aurora breathed and pulled his mouth back to hers.  
The tension in his body released suddenly into fervent energy. He touched and kissed her everywhere as he undressed her, tasting every part, savoring every flavor. He was devouring her flesh like a man starved for centuries.

She cried out as his mouth found her nipple and his teeth pinched and nipped at it then soothed it with his tongue and sucking it to a point before biting it again. He already had her ready and writhing and he was still dressed.

She pushed up against his chest until he was kneeling then wriggled out from under him to kneel as she pulled his sweater up and over his chest. The wolfjaw necklace swung low on his chest, dark and dangerous against his skin. She liked it and went for his pants instead as she leaned forward to kiss across his chest.

Her hands found him hot and throbbing and she wrapped her hand around it and squeezed gently as her mouth teased his nipple as he'd done to her. She looked up at him and saw his eyes were closed as she touched him and she took the opportunity to lean down and take him into her mouth.

The groan of surprise and pleasure he made burned need through her. He grasped her by the hair, she thought to stop her but then his hands gentled and caressed instead as slowly worked her mouth on the tip of him while her hand gently rotating his shaft as she glided it back and forth. His moaning increased, so she increased the speed and pressure. His hand reached down to cup her breast and he groaned sharply.

"Vhenan," he said huskily, "it has been too long, you feel too good…"

Aurora felt a thrill of victory go through and continued until he finally wrenched her up and threw her backwards on the bed.

"Your turn," he smiled at her.

He went back to her nipples first, his hand slipping between her legs to find her dripping. He rubbed along the lips until they parted softly for him. The first brush of his fingertip against her clit nearly had her spasming into an orgasm. She shivered on the bed, eyes closed.

He chuckled deep in his throat at her and removed his hand. She whimpered a little at the loss of pressure then took a gasping breath as his mouth closed on her clit instead. Wrapping his arms around her legs and holding her open with his fingertips, he teased, licked, sucked and bit her clit until she the feeling was so intense she had to scream at him to stop because she couldn't take a second more.

He pulled back and sat on his knees, pulling her to her own as he did. He kissed her again, the taste of her in his mouth, as he cupped around each thigh and pulled her against him. He slowly lowered her onto his cock as he stared into her eyes.

"I love you," she couldn't help but say as he filled her to her core.

He pulled her tightly against him, kissing her desperately. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders as he deepened the kiss and began rocking her hips against his building and climbing together until they cried out in unison.

She lay against his chest, struggling against sleep. His hands were stroking her hair, and every now and then he murmured to her in elven as he half slept, half kept watch over her. She was so tired but if she fell asleep, she knew he would be gone in the morning. The journey had taken its toll, however, and try as she might, she could not keep from drifting to sleep.

When she awoke the next morning, he was gone.

TO BE CONTINUED…


End file.
